Putting Back The Pieces

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May 12, 2014 by UtahMan&Wife

Today begins a new chapter of our lives. I have missed out on posting about several of our races. I’ll try to catch up if I can. I think I haven’t logged in here since sometime last October. Which makes sense. October 2013 is when our lives shattered into pieces. Our healthy, active, vibrant 22-yr-old daughter was hospitalized with serious illness. Life as we knew it was chaos. We felt like we had fallen down the rabbit hole, and nothing made sense. We had no regular schedule. We rarely slept. If we ate, we just managed to find the closest thing whenever we thought about it. Often we reached for “comfort food” as we tried to cope. We rarely exercised. We carried mountains of stress every moment. In other words, we hit the perfect storm to begin our decent into an unhealthy way of living and weight gain. Eventually it all caught up to us.

Seven months later

UtahMan and I have each gained about 30 lbs, and many inches. His blood pressure is in unhealthy range. My hormones are completely out of whack (hot flashes! night sweats! ugh!) We feel sluggish and bloated. Our clothes stopped fitting weeks ago. Ultimately, we have sacrificed our own health while we’ve agonized over trying to repair our daughter’s health.

Ironic, I know.

It’s understandable. It happens. But, it’s still unfortunate. Now it’s time to pick ourselves up again, and start putting back the pieces of our lives.

Things are not resolved for our daughter. Last year, she was a happy, healthy vibrant 22 year old living an independent, and productive life. Today, she is a home-bound 23-yr-old with limited mobility and an uncertain future. Her illness is not fully understood or diagnosed. It’s complex and puzzling. There are multiple symptoms. We have very limited answers. After spending months in the hospital trying different treatments that were not working, eventually the insurance kicked her out. We’ve taken her to multiple specialists who shrug. It’s been a long journey. We have come to accept that it’s going to be longer. A resolution may not come quickly. It probably won’t come the way we want. It may not even come at all. But, we hold on to hope.

So, we live for the NOW. She has moved back home and needs our care and supervision. She cannot do anything she did before. But, after time, we have all fallen into a new routine of sorts. At least, we aren’t in “crises mode” anymore. She isn’t well, but she has developed enough mobility and independence to be left alone during the day. This weekend she learned how to shower herself (a huge accomplishment!). She can prepare basic microwave meals for herself. She can use a tablet or laptop. She enjoying listening to music. These are all positive steps forward!

UtahMan and I have returned to our full-time work and volunteer activities. We have scheduled some “date nights” alone together. We are running regularly again. We have our 2014 Race schedule going! Woot! (I’ll try to update the schedule, and I’ll try to add past races in the blog, but for now, I’m going to just focus on moving forward from here…)

Round 5

Today we began a new round of hcg therapy. We need to get the pounds and inches under control quickly and take back control of our eating habits. We know there are challenges that face us both physically and emotionally, but we also know the level of success we can have with hcg if we stick to it, and it makes a good transition back to eating Paleo.

I hate having to “load” when I’m already feeling so bloated. But, I’m committed to following the protocol as strictly as possible. I have the advantage of knowing that if I keep the “rules”, this works. I’m so grateful that UtahMan and I are doing this together. That has always been one of our #1 keys to our success.

It’s a good day. The sky is blue. The sun is shining. I feel hopeful. I feel empowered. Being human means that sometimes, life can shatter into a million pieces when we least expect it. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s devastating. But, eventually, the time comes when we can pick up the pieces – however hard and uncertain things still are – and then find a way to move forward.

It’s that time for us now. We’re ready. And, thankfully we have each other. – UM&W